I have been meaning to write all of the revelations that have been on my heart. I watched the movie entitled, “Far From the Maddening Crowd” and this is such a beautiful romantic movie. This movie spoke to my heart in so many ways. The woman character in the movie is an independent woman, adventurous, strong she has a farm she must manage. She has workers to help out with the farm. The story is 3 men fall in love with her and she must choose between these men. One of the men only wanted her for her money, he never truly loved her. Another man in this movie was so devoted to her, loyal always helping her in any way he could. As I watched this movie, I related to this woman and how at a young age she lost her parents. She was in some ways forced to be independent. It made me realize how there are so many people willing to take advantage and use a woman. The man that is loyal to her truly loved her. He didn’t want to use her or abuse her in any way. He stood by her side. That is the love I want. He treats her with utmost respect and love. He isn’t in the relationship to please himself, He romances her and protects her. He is her guardian. That is what my heart longs for. A woman cannot let go of having to be strong until a man is willing to be so loyal, devoted to making sure she is protected and loved. I feel this movie showed me that yes I can marry anyone but God has given me another chance. I need to choose wisely and God will speak to me as long as I wait on him. I learn to wait until my adventurous heart has a man I can go on adventures with. A man I can respect and serve.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13)
I find in this waiting period to look within and change my perspective. I need to learn to not be satisfied when I have x, y, z but be present in the moment and not look to others for my contentment. I was content so many years ago, as I had nothing. I worked 16 straight days to save money for 3 months rent so I could go to Africa for 3 months. I was content taking bucket showers as I was able to laugh with the children. I was content as I took my bible and had my time with the Lord and 6 children came and sat at my feet. We couldn’t talk the same language but the language of love and letting them sit on my lap as I was trying to tell them about going to church. I was content as I was in the bush and having to walk so many hours just to reach the people and tell them about Jesus. I was filled with joy as I saw a woman who could not walk get up and walk and was healed before my eyes. My heart beats for life to come forth. This is when I am content. When I see a changed life, God healing people (emotionally, physically). I am learning to be content being single. God has blessed me with a beautiful home and instead of whining to God for the love of my life I need to realize my contentment is not in things or stuff. My contentment is knowing whether I have plenty or nothing I am happy where God has placed me. He is the one that opens doors to blessings. My contentment is in the Lord and its in the beauty of all the friends & family he has given me. It is the love of a spiritual mom that mothers me even when I don’t want to hear it. It is her love and knowing she is there when I need a Mom or friend. Being content is not based on the promotions it is based on the love of my Papa, Father God. There are days I get lonely and long for a beautiful love but in the end this life isn’t meant for me to be self serving. There are so many that need community, need love. I pray God will use me to minister to the broken-hearted, the outcasts. Those that are orphans physically or emotionally. As one of my favorite songs goes: All of my life in every season you are still God I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship ‘Desert Song’ by Hillsong. Time to dance and praise the Lord. This is where the victory comes. When we are down & sad we worship. It drives out the sadness. No weapon formed against me shall remain. Here are some beautiful pictures.