Letting Go of Independence

My very first house I solely owned is now SOLD! It has been hard letting this house go but I knew I needed to. With all the things that have happened to me through the years, I held on to this house as my way of not needing anyone. I knew financially I had no one but the Lord to rely on. I laugh now but when I received my promotion and took a salary position in 2013, the major reason I took the position was because I wanted to go back to Africa. I did not want to depend on anyone’s money for fundraising to go back. I wanted to take three weeks and help out at an orphanage and do more for the Lord’s Kingdom. It cost over $4,000 and the only way I was going to get there was with this new salary position. Then I took a detour and bought a house. I bought this house thinking of the future. I figured I am not married, I have no kids, why not take a risk. There was nothing to lose.

I remember looking at the house and it had a nice backyard not huge but cute and quaint. Then the reality of being a home owner hit me that summer when I needed to mow the lawn. My cousin helped me get a nice lawn mower and weed trimmer, however to this day I still do not know how to use the weed trimmer. As I took care of this house, there were days I was annoyed at having to mow my own lawn. Sometimes our ideas of things do not match reality until we are smack in the middle of it. Welcome to adulthood!

Once my cousin and his wife moved out at the end of 2014, I prayed for God to provide roommates that would not physically hurt me and not destroy my house. I posted an add on Craigslist and the Lord provided two young men in their 20’s to live with me. I did a back ground check and credit check but it was still a bit nerve-wracking the first week as I was nervous they would do something to me. I prayed for good roommates and the Lord answered my prayer within a month of my cousin moving out, I had these two brothers that moved in. What was an added bonus is they never once smoked or drank in my house. The only people they had over was their family.

It is neat to look back to almost five years ago, and see the Lord’s hand upon me in buying this house. He took care of me in all of the stress of maintaining a house on my own and in providing wonderful roommates. Now as the house is sold, I do not need anything else to lean upon as a woman other than the Lord. It is ok to lean upon my husband but ultimately, all of my needs are met by the Lord. I have struggled for many years of, “never depend on a man” because my life has been scarred by men in many ways.

The reality in this life people will hurt you but we must let go of our independence, our anger, and forgive. Our world that we live in is getting more and more filled with people who hate. I know what it is like to hate and it only adds misery and takes away the joy in life and in relationships.

We must learn to trust again and pray to the Lord to take care of us no matter the season. Whether we are single, married, widowed, orphaned, the Lord is the ONLY one to provide for our every need. He longs for us to rest in Him and not be stubborn and self sufficient where we no longer rely on anyone but our selves. My journey is in letting go of everything, trusting in the Lord and forgiving others for their words and actions towards me.

As I let go of this house, I remember the memories I did have in it. I remember my Mom coming over one time before she passed away for a family dinner. The memories of friends and family in my house will live on in my heart. I embrace this season of change in letting go of my independence, my first home.

And someday I will make it back to Africa…

 

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